Posted Wednesday May 6, 2009

What SHOULD have occurred today...

So today was going great until about 2:00...
My phone started buzzing at me, so I looked at it and it says "Ultrasound!!! 2pm!!" I had scheduled it the day I found out I was pregnant and just hadn't deleted the appt out of my phone after the miscarriage. Not a big deal right? Wrong!It didn't bother me at first, but a few minutes later it sunk in... "I'm supposed to be insanely happy right now - I'm supposed to be listening to my healthy, growing baby's heartbeat right now." Instead, I'm staring at my phone, insanely ANGRY at it, because it was buzzing the sickening reminder to me...UGH! Not to mention one of my coworkers asking why I was leaving early today...(I had previously scheduled time off to go to the appt, and then out to dinner with Ben to celebrate) So I had to say (holding back the tears)) that I ended up having the appt last week, so I wouldn't be leaving early anymore today.
Unfortunately, the appointment last week was NOTHING like it should have been this week - the exciting appointment I anticipated and thought would never get here...but in reality it came all too soon.
Soo...what SHOULD have happened today was constantly reminded to me, and the harsh reality of what DIDN'T happen today makes me sick.
AAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!